I’m back in the real now world and I’ve got a few days off to ponder the email I’ve received regarding my inflight actions on the way back from Rio. It appears the other pilot may have decided my actions were a little stupid and reported me for it. I’ve got to admit I probably should not have done it but unless they fire me, which they won’t, I reckon it was worth it.

 

When I’m down in the dumps I normally ring my mates to hang out and have some beers or just play x-box or something, Today, though, there is no one around so I decide to watch the one thing I know will cheer me up – Airplane.

 

Now I know most people grew up watching Top-Gun and being inspired by the comradery and competitiveness that ultimately led to “Maverick” embracing “Iceman” like a brother. But my inspiration was and still is Airplane. In some version of the story of my life maybe I became the doctor who it seemed was capable if solving any medical conundrum but ultimately I became Captain Oveur. I like to think that, someday, LeBron James might sit down beside me like Kareem Abdul Jabaar did beside Captain Over. Hoop Dreams can exist for non basketball players too, you know.

 

Anyway, I’m gagging to watch Airplane to cheer myself up and I decide to hit Tinder to try and share the experience. Now I’m not quite sure what all this “Netflix and Chill” stuff is but I decide that’s the way I’m going to sell it because apparently that’s what girls seem to be into. I hit up a girl called Sandra who I’ve met a few times through the magic of Tinder, the internet is truly amazing.

 

Now I’m not joking when I say she’s in my place within minutes. I’ve got snacks appropriate for watching Airplane – nachos, Ben & Jerrys and beers – and I’m really looking forward to getting into it. We’re just chilling and it’s really cool because I’m getting to explain just how much it inspired me to be a pilot and she seems like she’s enjoying it and then it starts. She just stops paying attention and she’s got hands going everywhere..

 

I’m not into it at all, because I want to watch the movie, especially as it’s just getting good – Captain Oveur is explaining to the little kid how cool it is to go to the gym. She just ain’t quitting and I’m trying to explain that I wanna watch the movie and she raises her eyebrow in disgust and basically lays it on me, “are we having sex or not, because if not I’m outta here. I’m utterly confused but I’m also not stupid – I put Drake on the soundsystem and it “takes off” from there. Pun intended.

 

In the aftermath of the whole event I’m emotionally drained. I was all on for a quiet night with a movie and some chilling i.e. Netflix and Chill but she was a on a different page. I decide that given the internet’s ability to fix any problem I will ask Siri what “Netflix and Chill” means, just in case I’ve gotten this all wrong. I am stunned when Wikipedia tells me that it is a slang term for casual sex which explains why she was behaving like Donald trump at a beauty pagent.

 

Either way, I appear to have discovered the keys to many womens pants through the internet and now I’ve just gotta swipe right and mention Netflix. At least next time I’ll have had a shower before she calls over, because I know I smelled like a Turkish-Prison inmate last night.

 

Netflix and Chill for all.

 

Logan