Halloween is one of my favourite times of year. It’s pretty much a license for all involved to engage in a level of absurdity and promiscuity that normally causes fights and breakups.

 

This year I’m in Dubai and I’m rolling with some of my best mates from flight school – Craig, Bill and Ronald. When we hang out together we have the most epic nights; in most cases we never pull chicks because we are too busy playing pranks and acting like fools. This year we have decided to try tone down the messing in order to maximise the chance of scoring some of the girls we are meeting at this awesome penthouse party.

 

I go, as a UFC fighter, which I think, is pretty dope. The other guys are keeping it simple. We’ve got a Batman, a Superman (yeah Superman) and a Pilot, seriously? The minute we walk in the door we realise that we are probably overdressed. I struggle to keep it together when I see two girls walk past wearing body-paint instead of clothing.

 

We are getting close to some of the girls and flirting hard, although Craig’s Batman impression is a little weak. The drinks are flowing and all seems to be going great when we hear panicked screams coming from one corner of the room and I turn to see Superman running around without the bottom half of his costume. Ronald takes Bill aka Superman out on the balcony to get some air but it’s safe to say that our stock dropped badly with that sequence of events.

 

Once things calm down I start regaling the group with the story of my trip to Australia and that idiot with the GoPro. Suffice it to say I do not include the fact I totally rammed the landing sequence, I just let them all know that I greased the touchdown. There’s this one girl taking a serious interest, I think she said her name was Ariel, like The Little Mermaid. She wasn’t dressed like a mermaid though, which is a pity, because the whole seashell bikini look would have been killer.

 

With our stock low I decide to take an active part in the dance-off that blows up out of nowhere. I’m literally throwing every single move I can think of at the dance floor and then I start to feel a little weird. No joke I feel like my heart is pumping super fast and then out of nowhere I start to get a boner. There are no girls around me and I am not wearing a protective cup as part of my costume so the spandex shorts are hiding nothing.

 

I make a quick exit from the dance floor and head straight for the bathroom. I make sure to call Craig on my way. I am literally freaking out as my heart is racing and “the champ” has gone from six to midnight. Craig seems to think it’s hilarious and then it dawns on me. Bill recovered quite quickly from his little episode and while I was distracted getting Ronald to help him out they threw a Viagra into my drink. He admits to it immediately and compliments me on my deductive abilities, which seems totally irrelevant in the context of my uncontainable boner.

 

To say that I am disappointed in them is a total understatement, but I’m more upset that I hadn’t even considered doing something like this to any of them. They’ve managed to put me in a difficult situation so I do the only logical thing; tuck it up into my waistband and head for the door.

 

I am in no way ashamed of what’s going on, it’s actually kind of funny, but I’m super freaked that the cops might arrest me for an illegal sex act if they see me. Some guy got 3 months in prison for kissing a chick in a car, I wouldn’t last a week in a desert prison!

 

I manage to get home without encountering the local law enforcement and I’m thinking it will wear off pretty quickly. It doesn’t, in fact it hangs around until I start watching Stranger Things on Netflix, at which point I’m literally scared soft.

 

Not a bad Halloween all things considered.

 

BOO!

 

LJ