I have always been a very open minded person and I have always sought to not offend anyone – except my friends. Friends get abused daily, but that’s cool when you know their feelings are not being hurt etc. I would never intentionally hurt a person’s feelings and if I knew that they had been triggered I would clearly apologise immediately.

 

But what if you don’t know that you’re being a dick?

 

I was in New York this week, which was awesome, as usual. Apart from when I tried to buy a coffee in Soho and totally upset some people with way too many freedoms.

 

“Can I have a Flat White please?” The barista quite literally rolls their eyes and launches into what seems an unnecessary, yet clearly, rehearsed list of options. “Soy? Sweetened Soy? Almond? Sweetened Almond? Rice? Cashew? Coconut? Or low fat milk?” As a lover of coffee and flat whites in particular I ask for “full fat milk, please”. I always say please and thank you, that way you can’t be accused of lacking manners.

 

Now this is where it gets weird. The barista just looks at me with outrage and sighs, “we don’t serve full fat milk, sir!” I seem to be missing something and I turn to the guy beside me, “Is she serious?” His horrified face says it all. “Excuse me, what did you say? Did you even ask what their pronoun is?”

 

Without even thinking I’m like, “Gender what?” And, he just goes off on me, “You must be joking? Then he turns to the person behind the counter “Are you triggered, honey?” I just blurt out “what the fuck does triggered mean?” I am utterly confused by what is going on. At this point I hear someone behind the guy who is consoling the crying barista say “this is symptomatic of micro-aggressions at their worst, like, clearly he knows what triggered means!”

 

I don’t like coffee enough to be in this situation, but I can’t escape as more and more people are now soothing the mental injuries of the barista who is sobbing and saying something about a hate-crime.

 

My confusion is apparent to only one person who takes pity on me and asks where I’m from. When I explain that “I’m Irish living in Dubai” there are sighs of understanding mixed with people screwing their faces trying to figure out if it’s a lie I’m telling so that no one calls ICE on my white Irish ass.

 

I start to explain that where I’m living they basically don’t have the Internet. They seem totally confused as I start to explain the lack of freedom and identity the local people have.

 

I try to help them understand that there is no such thing as a gender pronoun (still unsure exactly what it is), because in the Middle East there are only men. Women are commodities and they have no freedom. At this point the sobbing barista comes over to me with a Soy Latte, which I begrudgingly accept, and the guy who had been virtue signalling all over them apologises for not knowing that someone could be as socially illiterate as I appear to be.

 

Their display of understanding stuns me and once the crying stops for good they spend 3 hours explaining what gender pronouns and micro aggressions are while conveying the concept of triggers. I just keep nodding while thinking to myself these Soy Latte’s are not that bad and these people are also very tolerant and understanding.

 

With my newfound appreciation of what it means to be truly free in a great and equality driven nation like the United States of America I’ve been trying really hard to improve my social awareness.

 

It sucked when Facebook told me that Trump basically approves of Nazism and hatred. What will happen to gender pronouns if he gets a second term?

 

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash