Bing! The sound of the cabin attendant call bell drags me out of my malaise and back to reality; to be fair I should really be concentrating on flying the airplane. I’m distracted. I wonder what she wants? “Hey Chantelle, what’s going on?” I say in the most professionally chirpy tone I can muster. “Hi Logan. We have a request from a passenger if you have the time to discuss it?” My eyes roll towards the night sky as I reply, “Go on then, what do they want?” “There is a gentleman who is wondering if it would be okay to put a pro camera in the flight deck to record the” I have to interrupt, “GoPro, is that what you mean?” “Hmmmmm, Yes GoPro. That sounds like what he said” Not that it’s actually important I just wanted to know if he is using good equipment. “Tell him the only place he can put that camera is back in the bag where he should also store his stupid requests!” “So, that is a no then?” Another eye roll, “Yeah. That’s a no Chantelle.” Some people just don’t get humour. Maybe if she could see me roll my eyes she’d get it?

 

My worries are clearly greater than the GoPro man as I drift back into considering what I am going to do with the massive pay out I am about to receive for saving a few hundred people. I’ve been to both the Porsche and Ferrari dealerships this week and neither is showing me anything that tickles my fancy. In addition, even though I know I am a good pilot I’m certain that I would crash a high performance car within hours of driving it out of the showroom; I am serial fuck up.

 

A friend from Dublin is big into online gambling and poker and he has invested a shit-load of his money into cryptocurrency so he is egging me on to invest. He actually told me that people in America are re-mortgaging their homes in order to invest in Bitcoin, which definitely makes it seem like a legit investment opportunity. The fact that I owe my parents a tonne of money for flying training costs seems unimportant when faced with this type of investment opportunity. Imagine if I doubled my money through a Bitcoin investment. I have, and the future is brighter than Dwayne Johnson’s teeth.

 

I haven’t told my parents that I am getting a super-mega-bonus for saving all of those lives, so I am not going to make any moves before Christmas. They’re coming to Dubai with my sister, her husband (knob) and their child. I’m looking forward to seeing them, kind of. It’s just the thought of trying to explain that there is no church they can go to mass in, or that I haven’t organised a full roast dinner for Christmas day, is a giant pain in the arse. My mom will have a face on her like a bulldog with brick shoved up its arse when she realises she can’t go to mass.

 

Bing! What in the name of god could she want now? “Hi!” is all I say. “Hi Logan. There is a passenger suffering with a migraine in the cabin and they have a request.” “You know I have no medical training, right?” Silence. “Okay, so what do you want me to do about the sick passenger then?” I say with impatience. “Well he has asked if it would be possible to descend to a lower altitude in order to alleviate the headache.” “Is he a fucking doctor himself?” I reply sharply, adding, “I’ll tell you what. Tell him that I am descending 4000 feet in order to help his headache!” “Seriously?” she says in shock. “No! I’m not doing anything, but he doesn’t know that and it should shut him up.” “Eh, okay. Should I tell you if he feels better?” “Don’t worry about it, you can both thank me when we get to New York.” “Thank you?” “Your welcome,” I reply and end the conversation.

 

Mo’ money, mo’ problems, apparently.

 

Photo by Pavel Churiumov on Unsplash