“How would you rate 2017 in terms of success or failure?” “Excuse me?” I say in utter shock, to my Dad, as he keeps banging the self-reflection drum, “Tell me, do you think this year has been a success?” My thoughts go directly to saving the lives of over 300 people only a month earlier, and then I drift to some of the more questionable moments of the year, but I reply as only I would. “That depends on your definition of success. Did you save any lives this year?” A raised eyebrow, as he replies, “I do not believe that success should be measured against the outcome of one event, which may, or may not, be driven by your training rather than anything you’ve learned.” “Are you serious? Or are you deliberately trying to wind me up? What have you learned this year, apart from how to be a giant dickhead on New Years Eve?” My blood pressure is rising, but I decide to reflect on what I learned when I met that non-binary person in the coffee shop in New York. Not everyone is perfect, not everything is black-and-white and a Soy-Latte does not taste as shit as you’d expect it to.

“Son,” he says, in what can only be described as a condescending tone, “The lives we lead and the mistakes we make define our character.” I maintain my composure and remind him that, “You live in a different country to me, you’ve no idea what I’ve learned!” That might have been a childish reply, but it’s important that he realise I don’t need my hand held any more. “Have you ever been to Copper Face Jacks?” I ask. “I can’t say that I have,” he replies. “Well,” I pause, “did you know that people who go to Coppers still wear boot cut jeans? And, that they effectively molest each other for sport?” “What are boot cut jeans and why is it relevant?” he replies and I just roll my eyes. “They are things that I learned this year, Dad. You asked and I answered.” He knows I’m being a dick and replies, “You’re being a smart-ass and I don’t respect that.” “Maybe I am,” I say, “But. I can say, that I learned the value of teamwork in the simulator when my sim-partner couldn’t figure out his oxygen mask. And, I can tell you without hesitation that the events of that sim helped in developing my resilience.” I pause, “Do you know what resilience is?” “I’ve worked shifts my entire life and I raised you, if I’d given birth to you I’d be the most resilient person in this room, but your mother took one for the team on that front. So I reckon she wins the resilience games.” He has a point.

“You want a cup of tea?” he asks, “Eh. We are in the middle of something important here,” I say. “That’s why I’m making tea, son.” Patience was never my forte, but I’m trying really hard to learn how to deal with how different people operate. I chose not to shout over the kettle as my mother is sleeping, mouth wide open, on the couch and I don’t dare wake her. When he sits down I ask him, “Do you ever write down your experiences to try and gain some perspective on them?” “Of course I do,” he says and continues, “it’s the only way to break down how you’ve performed or could improve in the future.” This is exactly the answer I expected and I tell him, “You know. You never told me to do that, but I knew you always did it and have been doing it since I started flight training and in other facets of my life where performance is important.” For clarity’s sake – I do not write down anything after a tinder date gets interesting. His reply is to ask me, again, “So, what did you learn this year?” I take a few seconds to ponder this question. My answer is “I think the biggest thing that I’ve learned this year is that I tend to screw up a lot, but once I don’t make the same mistake twice then I think I’m going to be alright.” “Right. So you’re telling me that if you crash an airplane you won’t do it a second time? That might not work out the way you’re hoping, kid,” he says with a smirk on his battered old face. Clearly, I learned to be a smart-ass from my Dad who is undoubtedly the smartest and most infuriating person I’ve ever met. Maybe not as smart as he thinks though, because that’s Soymilk in the tea he’s about to start slurping down. This should be interesting!

Photo by Tyler Lastovich on Unsplash