I’ve flown with some wild folks in my time but nothing comes close to the last couple of days. The Captain I was flying with is a mid-career pilot and a Type Rating Examiner (TRE) for the company. Given the nature of his current role I wanted to do good job so that any trouble I may have caused in the last few months would be scrubbed from the record.

 

As most people are aware, the concept of the checklist is hyper-important on the flight deck. Correct completion of the checklist through proper procedures and knowledge helps to ensure the safety of all on board. I am shocked when Andy ignores all checklists, choosing instead to complete everything from memory. Was he showing off? Am I doing it wrong? Is he the Middle East memory champ? So many questions!

 

I’m pretty sure that he was complicit in writing the manual, but he seems totally unconcerned as he wilfully ignores it all. It is utterly compelling. He is literally on fire and is not missing a single thing. It’s like flying with Yoda (if Yoda were a pilot) although, I think Yoda would probably still do the checks! He is providing the most unbelievable example of poor checklist discipline and it borders on erotic.

 

As we head out in Paris that night Andy decides we are going to a restaurant that he has booked in advance. L’Astrance. He tells me not to worry about the cost as the entire thing is being put on the company credit card. That is of course until he gets a little wine into him and he convinces everyone at the table that he and I should play ‘credit card roulette’ to determine who will pay the bill.

 

There is no checklist for this shit, but I’m betting it would say this action results in crippling financial consequences. I can’t lose face so I chose to gamble. As the waiter provides a hat (do they do this often?) for the drawing of the losing credit card, I start to sweat profusely. When the company card is pulled from the hat I realise that he’s set me up; I would be upset but my financial situation is best described as volatile, so I just shut my mouth.

 

The remainder of the evening is good craic, but I chose to avoid the casino that Andy is hitting because I honestly do not trust myself in his presence.

 

As I am the pilot monitoring for our flight home the next day I decide to keep it standard for my part and I complete all checks as per the manual. To the fucking letter!

 

When it comes to our arrival we are offered a visual approach that we have not briefed for. I make the assumption that Andy will not accept the clearance but given he gambled at every opportunity over the last two days I shouldn’t be surprised when he gleefully accepts. At this point I am so stressed that I just say nothing and go along with it. Error of judgement!

 

The first warning sign occurs when he disconnects the automatics in order to manually fly the aircraft. Following this up by turning off the flight directors and using the mark-one-eyeball to fly the remainder of the approach has me sweating hard.

 

When the Enhanced Ground Proximity Warning System (EGPWS) aural warning stuns him out of fixation, he immediately takes the correct action and completes the Terrain Escape Manoeuvre. This is the only thing he has done as per the manual in the last two days, but he nails it and when we come back in for a second attempt at landing he keeps it standard.

 

Much like his terrain escape and his second approach the company keeps everything standard and they’ve removed him from flight duties until an investigation is complete. I’ve gotten off the hook because he said I was overwhelmed and effectively not present during all phases of the approach and go-around.

 

I’m not sure if I am dumb or dumber, but I’m still flying…

 

Photo by Pedro Lastra on Unsplash